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I recently read a post on a blog about the handicap space and the people who park there called “Can Those with an Invisible Illness Park in the Blue Spots without Others“. The post included what the “blue zone” folks have to go through because of judgmental, uninformed people. Since I also have a disability and park in the “blue zone”, I thought I would comment here on this particular subject.
Many, many people have disabilities that are not visible. Some have heart problems, diabetes, arthritis and so much more. Often, those folks are looked at like they did something wrong or are cheating by parking in those spots designated for the handicapped and disabled.
I, myself, have received a number of stares, not because my problem is invisible, but because at least one part of it is very visible…I’m fat. Not obese, not pleasingly plump, FAT. People who do notice, stare at me like a) I shouldn’t be allowed near a grocery store and b) I should park as far away as possible to get rid of the fat. Did I make that up? No. I have been treated to such people either saying it or indicating it.
There is this amazing thought out there (some because of media hype) that there are loads of cheaters who, for whatever reason, have the blue hanger or tags on the car. That may be true up to a point, but I believe that most folks who have the hanger or the tags are truly disabled in some way and do need the parking close to the store. And for those who think that fat means you need to walk it off, I spent many years walking from the back part of a truckstop parking lot to get to the truckstop, sometimes to go to the bathroom.
So, I know how to “walk the fat off”. Funny thing. I rarely lost weight by walking from the back of the parking lot. Hmmm. Doesn’t matter with judgmental people though. I have learned to either fight back or ignore. Fight back means that when a person is so rude that they stare at me for a long period of time, I stare back until they look away. The others I simply ignore because they are too rude to notice.
Do you teach your children to be rude and hateful to people by staring at them or talking behind their backs about how they’re cheating by parking in the “blue zone?” Are you telling them that the disabled folks are so different that they must be treated like second class non-humans? If you stare at someone for being fat or because they took a parking space that YOU think doesn’t belong to them, yes, you are teaching them that.
It is so time for Americans to wake up and learn how rude you have become. Don’t pass this on to the next generation!
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Thank you so much for your comments and posting. I know a lot of people who get very rude comments because of their weight–and the fact that it is a visible sign of a possible reason you may not be able to walk far. The truth is most medications for illnesses can cause signifcant weight gain very fast, regardless of how much you exercise or how little you eat. And when you are in deep pain, somtimes doctors tell you to weight on the weight loss until you can get your illness into a bit more control. You can’t really win! The medications you must take make you gain weight. Lost weight can help your joints and overall health, but exercise is difficult if not impossible. I’ve been there and I’ve seen the looks too. Thanks for blogging about this subject specifically! I’m going to recommend people head on over and share their thoughts too!
Blessings,
Lisa Copen
Founder of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week
http://www.invisibleillness.com
Thank you, Lisa! This is very personal to me. I am interested in the things you all are doing for this cause. Thank you for visiting and commenting here!
My biggest problem is that there are not enough blue parking spaces in most parking lots near my home. The people who park in those spots almost always have a blue permanent handicap placard or similar license plate. I use either a cane with rolling bag or a walker, so it is difficult to get these out of the car in a regular parking space - they have crammed too many parking slots, and yet not enough for disabilities of any kind. Also, if I need to do the walker, there is no way to hang it on most shopping carts, leading to even more trips out for basic necessities. Oh - and in my case, most people tell me I’m too scrawny - as if I had chosen to lose weight from COPD, allergy, asthma, myoclonus, treatment for early stage cancer, fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, and throwing up during migraines. I figure, one of these days, I’ll get the guts to tell them to find something more interesting to worry about, instead of worrying about my weight. There are plenty of other options in this world!
I know what you mean about not enough blue space parking. At my doctor’s office, there’s two! He sees more retired folks than most other types of patient. You would think that there would be a few more. The place is a combo medical doc and eye doc.
You probably get the same “Oh, you poor dear!” looks like my Mom gets. She has COPD and is very small and thin. You should definitely tell them that! She hates that.
Thank you for sharing. If enough people share these problems where others can read them, maybe some minds would be changed forever!!
Yes, I definitely know “The Look”. Not only that, but because they don’t actually say something, it’s hard to respond to. When I use the cane and roller bag, they also assume I am carrying a computer, when in reality I have degenerative disk disorder and can’t carry more than 3 pounds. That’s about the weight of all my inhalers & meds! That look I call the “Gee, you must be a techie showoff”. As if that’s the only reason for using one. (I guess the cane is just a jewelry accessory?) But at a doctor’s office, being short of blue spots is an outrage. That ranks as low as it gets! I’ve read that 17 million kids have asthma, many from smog/air pollution. Unfortunately they will eventually be in our position, too. Whatever attitudes I change, whatever minds I open now will not only benefit my own chronic asthmatic kids -er, young adults, but others’ kids as well. There are those who want us to hide because reminds them that it could be themselves in our shoes. So first and foremost, I refuse to hide. And if I have to park in a regular spot, I still hang my disabled placard on my car mirror, to make a statement. I wonder what your mother’s doctor would do if all but 2 cars in the regular spaces displayed their placards (license plates being already displayed, of course.) I wonder….would anyone notice or comment? Food for thought….
I have no idea what would happen if we did hang the hangers on the mirrors but it would certainly be worth doing. As for me, I don’t hide either. I also have the regenerative disk disease but not as severe as you do. I do use a cane on occasion.
Grats to you for not hiding. That would be destructive to you. People think what they want to anyway. Nothing will change with rude people. They were taught to be rude and they pass it on.
I was taught to be respectful of people. I guess you could say that I’m from the old school. My Dad insisted that I be polite to people. Period.
Thank you, Susan, for stopping by and commenting!!!
I figure if they are cheating by parking there… that is on them to look at themselves in the mirror everyday. When I park my car I know I am not causing someone that has difficulties walking to park farther out. I guess I figure, and will teach my son, its not hurting me directly so its not my business.
As for th weight thing, as someone that has struggled for years with body issues… well, I just think to myself ” there but for the grace of God go I”
Hi Shannon, Thank you for your comments. I am so glad to see that someone is teaching their child to be respectful. It was so important when I was growing up to be respectful to adults. Most kids aren’t taught that or if they are, are not acting on that teaching.
Thank you!!
I have two invisible disabilities, degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia, with possible CFS/ME.
Yes, I do have handicapped plates and I use them. I am even deemed disabled enough to have a personal care assistant help me every day.
I go out only once a week to do shopping at large stores where I need to park in a handicapped space. Fortunately, I live in a state with a huge obesity problem, so the fact I am fat is not so big a problem.
Dan
Thank you for sharing with me. It really should not be a problem in our area concerning obesity because there are just a lot of fat people here too. I think the problem sometimes comes with older folks who simply stare because they think they are allowed to do so. Just a thought. Not sure how true that is.
Thanks for visiting.